15 Tips for Life in the NICU

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Every year in the US 200,000 families will find themselves in the NICU. If you have found yourself as 1 in 200,000 here are 15 tips to hopefully make it a touch more tolerable.

  1. Allow yourself to grieve:

    • A major thing just happened to you. You are allowed to feel sad and angry and you are allowed to grieve in whatever way you see fit. Take your time and process what has happened, work through it on your terms and move forward. Your baby needs you to be strong for them, for what could be a week or a month or even a year and if you bottle up your feelings you WILL explode under all of the pressure, stress and lack of sleep that come with this season of life. So get in touch with your feelings now, understand them, address them and know that they are allowed.

  2. Be kind to the nurses

    • Navigating your way through this adventure will be unfamiliar and frightening but your nurses will teach you everything and they will be the shoulders you cry on when things are not going right. They will become your best friends, trusted confidants and your babies advocates when you can’t be there. So talk to them, trust them and be kind to them. .

  3. Stop Googling

    • This may be counter-intuitive because you are here reading this, but put your googling fingers away now. The internet has a lot of dark and scary things on it and if you start googling you will find yourself in a rabbit hole you cannot get out of. Instead ask your doctors, nurses and/or fellow NICU parents what sites or groups they recommend for you to get information or support from. They can point you in the right direction.

  4. Take advantage of the experience

    • The NICU has SO many resources available to you that you may not have had otherwise, take advantage of them. Have as many lactation consultations as you need, take as many classes as you can and meet with all of your babies therapists to find out what they are doing to help your child develop. You will leave the hospital with more information and knowledge about YOUR baby than you ever thought possible.

  5. Set Boundaries

    • Your friends and families are going to be all in your business right away. They are concerned, they care and they mean well. However, when you walk away from your babies bedside for a breather and you have 100 messages and missed calls it can be incredibly overwhelming so set boundaries firmly and quickly. Tell them what you are capable of doing and be honest because you will want to keep this commitment. Focus your energy on you and your baby, not making sure everyone is up to date.

  6. Accept help

    • You do not have to be super human - delegate, delegate, delegate. Let your friends and family help you with things outside of the NICU. Let them walk your dog, do your laundry, bring you groceries or a meal. Getting things off of your to-do list feels good and it feels even better when you didn’t actually have to do them. Bonus points - it will help them feel like a larger part of the process and a true helping hand.

  7. Develop a routine

    • Your baby will have a routine that they stick to rather rigidly in the NICU so make yourself a routine to accommodate what you want/need to be there for. A daily routine may be all you have control over so make yourself one, set that baby in stone and unleash all of your needs for control on it.

  8. Let go of the guilt

    • Welcome to Guilt-Ville, population all parents of the world! Parenthood comes with guilt from all angles and having a kiddo in the hospital or with special needs will only amplify that. We live in a world full of opinions, everyone has one after all, and these opinions will come at you up, down and even sideways solicited or not. Take these opinions with a grain of salt and do not let them bog you down with guilt. Your friend who is sharing that article they found on Google (see #3) about what you need to be doing is well meaning. However, if you find yourself in a cyclone of guilt because that’s not where you are, then you have my complete permission to tell them to bug off. Just let all unsolicited guilt givers know that the guilt department is an area you do not need help with. However, you do have a pile of laundry up for grabs if they’re able :). In all seriousness you have to trust in yourself, your partner and your care teams’ decisions. Know that what you decided is the right choice for your individual baby and let the outside opinions become white noise.

  9. Ask all the questions

    • Never hesitate to ask a question. You want to hold your baby, ask. You want to know how many times they pooped today, ask. You want a progress update at 3AM, ask. The NICU is staffed around the clock with lovely, helpful people ready to answer your questions so if you have one no matter how big or small ask. If they have any answer they will give it to you and if they don’t they will find out.

  10. Moisturize

    • This one may seem trivial but you will be washing your hands and using more hand sanitizer than ever before and if you avoid the moisturizer the next time you go to sanitize it will feel like you just poured gasoline on your hands and lit them on fire. So head on over to Amazon right now and get yourself a bulk sized order of unscented moisturizer. If fact just click on this link, you can thank me later.

  11. Take a break

    • A wise NICU nurse once told me “Don’t forget to put on your mask first” This experience can feel a bit like a plane going down and you can’t help others if you don’t first ensure you are OK. Remember that routine we created in #7? Well be sure to include time for self-care. Whether you like it or not you have to eat, sleep and shower and you also need some time to relax I mean you did just have a child(ren). So go get a mani-pedi, get a massage, go read a book, go see a movie, go have a nice dinner with your partner or go on a hike. Do what helps you to unwind and clear your mind, it will be better for everyone if you do.

  12. Look at your baby, not the numbers

    • Do not let the numbers on the monitors dictate your life. Look at your baby and let the numbers guide you and before you know it you will know what normal looks like, what abnormal looks like and even when that stinking monitor just isn’t reading right. Remember… those big fancy monitors will not be coming home with you so take advantage of them and get to know your baby.

  13. Celebrate every milestone

    • Every milestone is a win no matter how big or small so be sure to take a moment and celebrate each one. Also lets be honest, everything your baby does is adorable so take the opportunity to relish it.

  14. Prepare yourself for the ups and downs

    • Everyone will tell you that this is going to be a wild roller coaster ride, and sister, they are not lying. Accept now that there are going to be good days and bad days, shoot some days there will be good hours and bad hours. The bad times are going to suck the life out of you but scars make us beautiful and when you look back on this they will just be a blip. Keep reminding yourself that this too shall pass and a good day will come.

  15. Know that your baby is an individual

    • Every baby is different and each one will do this life thing the way they want to so stop comparing them to others. Each baby has their own timeline and their own diagnosis. Don’t get down when the family that checked in after you is on their way home before you, celebrate them and know that your graduation day is coming too.