Life in the NICU - 10 Tips for Families and Friends

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As I have mentioned before having a little one in the NICU for any period of time is hard for all of the big humans in the baby’s life. It can especially be difficult for extended families and friends to know what to do or say, here are my top 10 tips for how to support your NICU friends.

  1. Do not offer unsolicited advice.

    • Life in the NICU is hard and there is a lot of information coming at the parents and that information is coming from highly trained medical professionals. If you are not one of those people wait for the parents to ask for your advice before piling on what you found on Dr. Google. Same goes for non-baby advice, the parents know they need to sleep and eat so quit reminding them how tired they look, they are well aware.

  2. DO NOT ENTER – if you are sick

    • If you are sick in any way, even if you think it’s just allergies stay away from the parents and the baby. While it is uber important for the babies to be shielded from germs and yuckiness it is just as important for the parents to stay healthy too. Even the smallest case of the sniffles can keep them from seeing their littlest one. If you had plans to see them, but still feel contagious it is totally okay to cancel.

  3. Don’t repeatedly ask what they need

    • They need for their baby to be home and well, other than that they have no idea. Rather than asking what they need offer specifics, tell them what you can do and let them accept. Examples:

      • Child Care – for parents with other kiddos on the outside this is tremendously important so that they can spend as much time in the NICU as possible. Same goes for animals – they need love too.  

      • Laundry/Cleaning Services – during your childs time in the NICU you are barely home and the last thing you want to do in your few short hours of free time is clean and do laundry. Offer to take this off their hands once a month or even better once a week!

      • Food – similarly time to cook anything, healthy or not, is limited. Help them out by giving them things that are easy to reheat and eat so that the drive through is not the only thing on the menu.

  4. Give gas cards or cash

    • Commuting to and from the NICU can get super costly, especially if you are not a local resident. During this stage of the game these are far more important than baby gifts.

  5. Wait on baby gifts

    • Most NICUs have rules on what can come in and out of the babies room and most are limited on space. Also tiny babies are not allowed to wear clothes in the early stages because their skin is far too sensitive. So for now hold off on the baby gifts and if you just gotta, stick to the parent’s registry to ensure what you are giving is useful.

  6. Listen

    • There is an old children’s rhyme – “Stop, look and listen before you cross the street. Use your eyes, use your ears and then you use your feet!” This one comes in handy here:

      • First – check the parents over, do they look exhausted or like they are about to break down? If so be gentle – don’t come at them with high speed conversations or lightning round questions.

      • Second – just listen, and like really listen to hear and not to respond. Let them talk to you and divulge what they are comfortable with and don’t pry or ask too many questions. Just let them know that you are there for them and that you care.

      • Third - go on and cross that street! Tell them happy news from your life, some good juicy gossip or a joke or two help them relax and laugh and feel human again.

  7. Stop asking when the baby is coming home

    • This is the worst question and when your baby is in the NICU you get it at least once a day. The unfortunate truth is that the parents dont know the answer to this and having to give the same rehearsed answer over and over again can get exhausting. Asking them is only a reminder that their baby is not home and that they don’t know when they will be.

  8. Help them to prepare for baby’s homecoming

    • When the time comes for their baby to graduate the NICU and head to the home front, there is a lot to prepare especially if the baby is coming home with any type of equipment. Help them get ready by offering:

      • Cleaning services – again this is a pesky task but has to be done and a super deep clean right before the baby gets home is healthy and will help them enjoy all those family snuggles even longer

      • Meal preparation

      • Moving/Building furniture

      • Installing car seats

      • Stocking up on baby essentials – diapers, wipes, formula, etc.

      • Stocking up on household goods – toilet paper, paper towels, soaps and snacks.

  9. Be Patient

    • These parents are in what could possibly be the worst time of their lives. Be patient with them if they don’t respond to you immediately, if they can’t get you in to see the baby right away or if they have an attitude problem from time to time. Remember that they are doing their best and sometimes they have very little left in the tank to give. Also be patient in waiting for information. They will give it to you when they have it and when they are able.

  10. Love Them

    • Give these parents all of your love and support, this is the biggest thing that you can contribute. Knowing that you have people who are there for you and will be there to catch you if you fall is the most important thing in not only your NICU stay but in all of life. At the end of this experience you will all come out stronger and more connected.