Dear NICU Dad
/First and foremost I am so sorry you are here. I am sorry that all of the plans you had for how your baby would enter this world have been demolished and I am sorry for the anguish and anxiety you must be feeling. Being in the NICU is not easy for anyone involved and that includes you. I cannot promise you that this process will be easy or painless but what I can say is that if you keep a positive outlook and attitude it will make it seem less awful.
At many moments during your NICU journey you are going to feel like there is nothing for you to do. Not only will you feel helpless because this is a situation where you have no control, but you will feel like you are not able to contribute because there is not much that is tangible that you can provide ie. breast milk. You will also probably have to return to work much sooner than you are ready and long before your partner, making the time you are able to spend in the hospital limited. BUT, you are valuable in this process, you are needed and you are important.
The only advice I can give you is to be present as often as you are able. Not just present in the NICU but present at home too by performing all of the acts of service you can think of. This will help you stay busy and will make things easier for your partner.
Help clean her pump parts
Help label and store milk
Help her pack her bag for the day
Make her some coffee or dinner or a sweet treat
Be present as often as you can be in the NICU
Help navigate and provide updates to family and friends
Kangaroo care as much as you can, it will help sooth your baby and you!
Help keep things light and celebrate the wins
In all of this don’t forget about yourself, your emotions and feelings YOU are important too! Stay tuned into your feels and communicate with your partner. I promise you it will be reassuring for her to hear that she is not alone. The NICU can be a lonely place despite all of its hustle and bustle and having a supportive partner who you can connect with and rely upon is immeasurable
I won the lottery when it comes to husbands. Josh is the calm in our family and he truly is the glue that holds us all together in good days and in bad. During our NICU journey he was so supportive, helpful and reassuring. He was always there and always reminding me that "there aint nothing to it but to do it". And he was right, there was only so much we could do but as long as we were doing those few things we were doing the right thing. There was no need to get all worked up over things we simply had no control over. Without him I would have been an absolute mess around the clock. But with him by my side anything was possible, even two little miracles.
So keep your chin up Dad. After all there aint nothing to it but to do it so just keep doing what you can when you can and here's hoping you all come out of this on the other side.
