Ready or Not Here I Come - Becoming a Preemie Mama
/The moment I found out that I was going into premature labor I lost not only my mind but so, so much more. I lost the dream of a full-term pregnancy, a big belly, swollen feet and late night ice cream deliveries from my husband. I lost the picture perfect moment where your babies are placed on your chest immediately after birth. I lost the ability to nurse them and even to hold them for their first several weeks of life and I lost the opportunity to bring my babies home on a normal timeline.
I also lost a lot of hope. Just days before I had doctors telling me the stats of a baby born at 24-25 weeks and every one of these possibilities was running over and over in my mind:
70% chance of survival
70% chance of brain issues or blindness
For the first 2 years they will be behind other babies their age developmentally
50% chance of hearing problems or deafness
Lungs in boys are much worse than girls and they will most likely need a ventilator to breath
For the first 7-10 days their hearts may not be strong enough to keep their blood pressure
While these are not impossible odds, they are not the odds you want to hear when it comes to the things you love most. With the gift of hindsight however, I know that we got lucky, we didn’t have to suffer the major loss that 30% of parents have to face. We got to bring our babies home, which is not a luxury I take for granted.
No preemie adventure is the same, every one of them will have a different road, different scars and a different story to tell. One thing you learn very quickly as a preemie mama is to throw the plan and all of your expectations out the window because the real people in charge are the tiny ones in the room. You just have to be grateful and thankful for every milestone that comes whether that is today, tomorrow or months down the road. Have faith in your little fighter, they will get there when THEY are ready and most certainly not when YOU are ready.
My twins could not be more different. They both did the NICU thang on their own terms. Jack is so chill, happy, sweet and he does things at his own pace. He may be the tortoise in our situation but he will get to the finish line when he is ready. Whatever Jack does in his life he will do it with love and with the best hugs on the planet. Rory on the other hand is rambunctious and has an opinion of his own and he is not afraid to let you know exactly what it is. Rory is a boss baby and he will either be the leader of the free world or the leader of a biker gang some day.
Being a preemie mom changed everything about me. At first it took so much away but in the end it gave me more to be grateful for than I could have ever imagined. At the end of the day stats are numbers, and it is helpful to go in knowing what could happen however, the one thing that the doctors, nurses and medical professionals can not tell you is, you will look at your tiny baby in their plexiglas spaceship and you will see the strongest, bravest, most awe-inspiring creature and that little creation will make you so proud as they overcome more than you could ever wrap your head around.
Live your way through this with as much optimism and celebration as possible, because at the end of the day there ain’t nothing to it but to do it.